A Talk With Dr. Kathleen Trainor About Tackling Anxiety in Our Kids

A Talk With Dr. Kathleen Trainor About Tackling Anxiety in Our Kids

Do you ever wish for the right words to say or things to do when your child is feeling anxious? You know, the magic words that will calm the situation and help your child. Well, the wait is over. The book, Calming Your Anxious Child: Words to Say and Things to Do (Johns Hopkins University Press, spring 2016), has the answers you are looking for. I worked with Dr Kathleen Trainor on my middle grade novel, Finding Perfect, and had the privilege of talking with her about her new book.

But before I jump into my conversation with Dr. Trainor, let me share a bit about Calming Your Anxious Child: Words to Say and Things to Do (Johns Hopkins University Press, 2016). What makes this book so long-awaited by parents and practitioners is the introduction of Dr. Trainor’s 7-Step TRAINOR Method. This is the first clear, user-friendly approach that establishes a framework that guides parents and their anxious youngsters in a systematic manner.

To learn more about Dr. Trainor and her 7 Step Trainor Method, visit her on line at http://www.trainorcenter.com/.

Elly: What inspired you to write this book?

Dr. Trainor: I have seen how effective Cognitive Behavioral Training (CBT) can be on children with anxiety disorders. I also know that CBT works best when the whole family is involved. Parents need to learn how to parent an anxious child as it is often counterintuitive. Parents want to protect their child from uncomfortable feelings, but in reality, parents need to encourage their child to confront their anxieties in order to help overcome them. This book gives parents the tools and guidance they need.

Elly: Who can benefit from your book?

Dr. Trainor: Obviously, parents of children with anxiety disorders. But, also parents of children who simply have moments of anxiety, teachers in the classroom, and other therapists. The book is a guide on its own, but it can also be used in conjunction with treatment.

Elly: Can you offer a few tips to help combat anxiety?

Dr. Trainor: Sure.

First, the child needs to label his or her anxiety as irrational.

Next, the child needs to give it a silly name to take the power out of it.  For instance, some of my patients call their anxiety silly worries, fake fears or cuckoo thoughts.

Then, the child needs to remember that he or she is not in danger and can’t believe the anxious feelings.

Finally, the parents need to learn to engage their child in the process of managing his or her own anxiety. This is a job for the child, not the parent.

Elly: Your book contains composites of many patients’ stories, do you think it’s important for parents to be able to read these stories to realize they are not alone? 

Dr. Trainor: Yes. The book contains stories of parents who have sought help for their anxious child and vignettes by children with anxiety. Anxiety can be isolating. Parents often feel shame and a sense of responsibility for their child’s behavior and, as a result, strive to keep their child’s anxiety private. I hope my book works to breakdown the stigma and shame of mental illness, and lets families know they are not alone.

Elly: Does the same principle apply to children? You recently vetted my upcoming middle grade novel, Finding Perfect (FSG, October 2016), about Molly, a twelve-year-old girl with undiagnosed OCD. Do you think it’s equally important for kids to read stories where they see themselves in fiction to realize they, too, are not alone?

Dr. Trainor: Yes. The same principle holds true. It’s important for children with anxiety to see themselves in stories. Anxiety is very isolating and kids feel embarrassed and ashamed. The more anxiety disorders are embraced by characters in our books and are talked about in society, the less likely a negative stigma will continue to be attached to them.

Elly: How has the Internet and social media impacted anxiety in children today?

Dr. Trainor: It’s had both a positive and negative impact. It’s positive that children who feel anxious can go on line and search their concerns. They have the ability to get answers and an understanding while in the safety of their home. The negative impact comes from social media. There is so much stress and isolation that stems from social media: the social events kids find out on FB they weren’t included in, the need to constantly have their phones on to stay connected just in case someone wants to reach them, and the diminished face-to-face contact amongst peers.

Elly: How did you decide you wanted to be focus your career on helping kids with anxiety?

Dr. Trainor: I started as a social worker, then got my MSW and began working with families with addiction. From there, I decided to work with kids, and was drawn to anxious kids. So many great kids have anxiety and I feel like I understand them. I also saw how effective CBT was. I got to see the children who I treated get better. It was very rewarding.

Elly – Thank you! Now for a few get-to-know-you questions unrelated to the book.

Oddest job ever had? Worked at Howard Johnson and IHOP as a waitress.

Favorite book ever read? Little Women and Heidi. I can still remember the grilled cheese sandwich in Heidi.

Something that is surprising about me is that I have three kids and am about to have my third grandchild!

When I’m not working, my favorite thing to do is swim.

Elly: Thanks so much. I know your book will reach and help so many families. Here’s the link to order a copy of Dr. Trainor’s new book. http://amzn.to/1t4xwZ5